Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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