Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
