I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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