The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
