Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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