My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
