you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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