My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
