hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
