Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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