Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
