you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
