I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
