Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
