Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
