Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
