We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
