You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
