dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
