he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
