This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
