I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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