Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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