I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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