i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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