Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
