There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize