Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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