so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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