I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
