my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities