We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.