It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
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He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.