Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
