She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
