yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
