Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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