I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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