At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
