he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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