That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
