'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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