You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
