the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Boobs are out for the taking
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
