Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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