found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
