Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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