1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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