Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
