I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
