Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize