we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
