your room smells of hookers.
And success
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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