Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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