she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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