My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Vodka?
Forever.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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