Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
barbara walters just said penis...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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