the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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