I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
