just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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