remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
