He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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