Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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