Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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