Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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