Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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