Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
