I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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