he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
