How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
