can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i believe in u and ur pee
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
