My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
