You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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