did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
