Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
