You just made me feel so damn special
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
