He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
