literally had 100 drinks last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
