I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
