I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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