Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
