She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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