You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
