You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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