rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
