So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
