just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
